Tuesday, April 15, 2008

#34: The Evil Within (Alain Robak, 1990)


Note: The Evil Within was the title for this movie in the U.S., which is why the Fangoria book uses it. If you want to rent this movie, you can find it on DVD under its original title, Baby Blood. I think Baby Blood's a catchier and more ridiculous title anyway. On to the review, jerks!

France is a movie-mad country. Paris has more movie theaters than any other city in the world. A comprehensive list of notable directors and films from France would be much longer than a similar list from any other country of comparable size (and longer than most larger countries' lists). A French philosopher who had written a piece about a movie was asked in an interview about film and answered (this is paraphrased): "I don't know much about film. I'm just a casual filmgoer. I only go to the movie theater two or three times a week." However, the French, for the most part, don't make too many horror movies. I don't know if they're too happy or too depressed, but the French usually say mais non to decapitations, zombies, vampires, and bloodbaths. The list of notable French horror films proceeds as follows: 1928's The Fall of the House of Usher, 1955's Les Diaboliques, and 1960's Eyes Without a Face. These three films also fit more comfortably in the worlds of, respectively, part-literary adaptation/part-Surrealist experiment, Hitchcockian crime/suspense thriller, and elegant European art film. Also, they were made a long time ago.
Occasionally, though, France spews out a rare piece of genre horror, like this fucked-up chunk of weirdness from the relatively recent past of nearly twenty years ago. The story makes absolutely no sense, in textbook Eurotrash cinema style. In opening voice-over narration, we learn that at the dawn of time, when the first living organisms appeared and began evolving, our narrator appeared as well. We see lots of cool shots of lava erupting. Then we're transported to Africa in 1990 and given a cheetah's-eye-view from inside a cage while we're dragged all over the continent. Finally, we wind up in France at a circus. We alternate between cheetah's-eye-view and the glimpse of a highly abusive relationship between the jerk who owns the circus and his beautiful, if dentally Euro-challenged, lion-tamer girlfriend, Yanka. The other lions and tigers are spooked by the cheetah. Then the cheetah explodes. Then a weird, wormy thing crawls into Yanka's womb while she sleeps. This wormy thing is our narrator. He is apparently one of the oldest creatures on earth but also the next evolutionary leap. He says his kind will replace humans in 5 million years, but he also needs to be born from a human. In order to be born, he needs to drink human blood. Makes sense, right? Right? What will they do when man dies out in 5 million years? Whose blood will they drink then? This issue is never addressed in the film. Anyway, Yanka leaves the abusive jerk and wanders France, while her monster fetus telepathically orders her to kill and drink the blood so it can grow and be born again. (Fun fact: In the dubbed version, which is the one I watched, the fetus is voiced by an unbilled Gary Oldman!) It may sound like I gave everything away, but I've only told you some details from the first 20 minutes! Wowee zowee!
This is a very strange, very competently made, very bloody film. In at least every third scene, gallons of blood spray everywhere. The filmmakers skillfully move their cameras and expertly light, shoot, and frame the scenery. Yanka walks around nude for no particular reason. Many male chauvinist jerks get their comeuppance. That cheetah explodes. It's like Look Who's Talking with carotid arterial spray and no Kirstie Alley. I think everyone wins in that situation.
Seriously, though, this is a kind of unpleasant, but mostly funny, offbeat, and unusual horror film.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

#33: Event Horizon (Paul W.S. Anderson, 1997)


I made fun of this film all week before I watched it last night, for three reasons:
1) It's a post-1995 Hollywood blockbuster, my least favorite kind of generic movie type (possibly excepting costume dramas).
2) The title. "Look out behind you! It's an event horizon!" "Don't get killed ... by that event horizon!" "Oh my God! It's an event horizon!" "What's that behind the door? Is it an event horizon?" The title, obviously, fails to instill fear, wonder, or excitement in the hearts of audiences.
3) The auteur behind it all. Paul W.S. Anderson is not the guy who directed Hard Eight, Boogie Nights, Magnolia, Punch-Drunk Love and There Will Be Blood. He is also not the guy who directed Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and The Darjeeling Limited. He is the guy who directed Mortal Kombat, Resident Evil, AVP: Alien vs. Predator, and ... Event Horizon!
As much as I enjoy heaping the scorn and being a curmudgeon, I'm also fair, so, without setting aside my preconceived notions, I still gave Event Horizon the benefit of the doubt. The verdict: Much better than an Oliver Stone film, not better than most other things. Pros and cons after this plot synopsis. The following plot synopsis is brought to you by our sponsor, Dimensional Gateway Engines. Dimensional Gateway Engines -- Bending the space-time continuum, one black hole at a time.
Forty-some years in the future (fifty-some at the time of the film's release), a crew of space explorers led by Laurence Fishburne lose out on their promised Christmas vacations and instead are joined by scientist Sam Neill and reassigned to a secret mission. Neill designed a ship, called the Event Horizon, that supposedly blew up in space several years ago. However, the ship, a secret government experiment in faster-than-light-speed travel, is merely lost, floating in space and sending signals back home. The ship doesn't really break the rules of physics, it merely bends them. The ship's engine folds the space-time continuum so the ship can take a super-shortcut, reducing 1,000 years of travel time to one day. In Stephen Hawking's "A Brief History of Time," he says an event horizon is a black hole's border from which it is impossible to escape. The Event Horizon in this film creates a black hole to enhance travel speed and comes back, but with something EVIL on board. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! They should have called this movie "No Escape from the Border of the Black Hole." Or maybe "Border Patrol: Christmas Vacation." Now that's catchy! Anyway, Fishburne's crew has been assigned to travel to the Event Horizon, explore it, salvage anyone or anything they can, and return home. Unfortunately, they get their asses kicked by ... an event horizon ... of pure evil! B-movie sci-fi turns into slasher flick. The film rips off parts of Alien, The Shining, Hellraiser, and, puzzlingly, Solaris. The Soderbergh remake hadn't happened yet, but it's hard to imagine a schlocky crap movie director being influenced by either the Stanislaw Lem novel or the Andrei Tarkovsky film. It's kind of like Michael Bay lifting elements from Stan Brakhage or William Gaddis. Does not compute.
Anyway, the film passes by quickly at 90 minutes, and a few gore scenes and futuristic spaceship set design elements satisfy, but the cast never gets a chance to do anything interesting. The characters are written as wooden placeholders, (e.g. one character is a rebel because he smokes, etc.). Scenes seem to be missing; Joely Richardson's character disappears for a big chunk of the finale, only to be found unconscious for no discernible reason. The early CGI effects look even shittier than the shitty CGI shits we've got now. And, ultimately, schlocky B-movies work better when they're cheap. Giant expensive Hollywood money usually robs the energy, camaraderie, and invention from the exploitation trash filmmaking I love so much.

Addendum: I forgot to mention the best thing about the movie: Laurence Fishburne's captain's chair. It's a giant, floating, La-Z-Boy. I hope the next forty years fly by so I can purchase one when the future gets here.