A post-apocalyptic sci-fi thriller about a post-plague police state? Brother, we're already sorta living in it! Ah, those '80s post-apocalypses. Take me back. But not too far back. I don't want to redo seventh grade.
Crime Zone takes place in the working-class, crime-ridden streets of the ironically named city of Soleil (Llosa shot the film at night to hide the low budget, but the film is so damn dark, he hides almost everything). The denizens of Soleil are forced into lives of menial drudgery and solitude. If they kiss enough ass and work enough hours, they can earn the points to graduate to a middle-class life in white-collar or military work and the privilege of having romantic partners and spouses. Until then, the police bust anyone caught bringing a member of the opposite sex to their living quarters (there are apparently no LGBTQ people in this future), and the only sex allowed is fifteen-minute paid increments with sex workers from the government brothel. The only fun to be had is post-work beers and pool at the local bar.
Local bad boy Bone (Peter Nelson) is extremely disillusioned when his supervisor at the rich-people cryogenics factory fires him shortly before he can get the points to move up the social ladder and be allowed to marry. Bone doesn't act like he loves his factory job enough and only works his regular hours, so his supervisor doesn't think he wants it enough. Bone commiserates with his buddies Creon (Michael Shaner) and J.D. (Don Manor) at the bar. The three dudes have long been part of a street gang called The Fuck-Ups, but Bone wants to grow up and live a better life. He's also smitten by old man Alexi's (Orlando Sacha) tales of the nearby city of Frodan, where he was stationed in the military as a young man. Frodan is a free city with no police state, and, according to Alexi, the women there are incredible.
Side note about Frodan. Until I looked it up online, I had no idea what the hell this city was called because everyone in the movie pronounces it differently AND like they have a mouthful of marbles. It's variously referred to as Frow-dan, Frau-dan, Frowen, Frawn, Frunn, Fruuuuuh, Fraw-dan, Fraw-en, Freh, etc. What the hell is going on here? Why can't anyone in this movie enunciate Frodan? Someone look into this.
An unemployed Bone wanders the streets of Soleil, watching the live execution of an armed rebel on the black-and-white televisions stationed at kiosks all over the city. (Hilariously, the government kills the rebel by blasting him in the nuts with a laser.) He wanders near the brothel, where the ladies of the evening are being advertised shortly before the brothel's rooms open for business, and falls in love at first sight with Helen (Sherilyn Fenn). After her shift, she plays some pool against Creon and Bone, and falls in love at first sight with Bone, but definitely not Creon, because Creon sucks. Bone and Helen soon begin sneaking into Bone's shack together, though they're nearly busted by the sexy but evil police, the policewoman demanding of Bone, "Show me your dick!," I guess as some sort of proof Helen is in his room??
After some mostly surreptitious grocery store shoplifting, the couple are spotted by the mysterious Jason (David Carradine), who hires them to perform some high-level corporate theft in exchange for taking them to the impossible-to-pronounce Frodan. What's Jason's angle? They're skeptical but ready to get the hell out of Soleil, so they make the deal. Soon, the couple are Soleil's most-wanted fugitives and local folk heroes.
Will they make it to Frodan before the cops blast their privates with lasers? Will the large-faced and extremely obnoxious Creon turn on them? Is Jason really what he seems? Will any scenes have any light? These questions will all be answered. Many more will not, including: Why does every character drop so many f-bombs? How did Helen and Bone accomplish the insane and mostly impossible burglary? What happened to the rest of The Fuck-Ups? How is that guy walking normally after being shot in the leg? Why won't anyone turn on a damn light? And why can't anyone enunciate Frodan?
Crime Zone is middle-tier Roger Corman, nowhere near his best and a few clicks up from his worst. The cinematography is too dark, the story is cobbled together from 18 other better movies, and parts of it drag, but Carradine and Fenn are fun to watch, parts of it are highly amusing, the dialogue is pretty wacky, and even a mediocre b-movie is better than 95% of the respectable NPR-endorsed awards bait horseshit any day of the week. I give Crime Zone two and a half crimes and three zones.
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