Creepozoids (David DeCoteau, 1987)

David DeCoteau has had a long, strange, extraordinarily prolific career in film. Starting out as an intern for Roger Corman's New World Pictures and in PA and craft service jobs on such memorable films as John Carpenter's Escape from New York, Galaxy of Terror, Wim Wenders' The State of Things, Robert Vincent O'Neil's Angel, and Ken Russell's Crimes of Passion, DeCoteau graduated to nearly every major job in low-budget film.

Primarily known as a producer and director, he's also worked as a writer, cinematographer, sound effects editor, assistant director, electrician, production manager, cameraman, editor, wardrobe supervisor, special effects man, production designer, casting director, stuntman, and even wrap party DJ (as "Disco" Dave DeCoteau). 

His credits as director under his own name and a dizzying array of pseudonyms (my favorites of which are Wilma Rubble and H.L. Smokum) include gay and straight porn, horror, sci-fi, action, sexploitation, comedy, Edgar Allan Poe adaptations, children's fare, made-for-cable family Christmas movies, and the Lifetime TV movie series The Wrong, starring Vivica A. Fox as a kindhearted, trusting woman who meets the wrong neighbor, cheerleading coach, wedding planner, real estate agent, boyfriend, blind date, etc.

I have seen only a tiny fraction of the DeCoteau-verse, but my personal favorite as of this writing is 1988's Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama. Other DeCoteau credits include New Wave Hustlers, Boys Just Wanna Have Sex, Revenge of the Babes, Man Heat, Lady Avenger, American Rampage, Dr. Alien, Beach Babes from Beyond, Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000, Leather Jacket Love Story, Shrieker, Micro Mini Kids, Leeches!, Grizzly Rage, Bigfoot Island, A Talking Cat!?!, Badass Showdown, A Talking Pony!?!, Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper, 90210 Shark Attack, Swamp Freak, Bunker of Blood: Chapter 5: Psycho Sideshow: Demon Freaks, Bunker of Blood: Chapter 6: Zombie Lust: Night Flesh, and My Christmas Grandpa, just to name a few. DeCoteau is a madman.

Creepozoids was DeCoteau's second of three 1987 features. It was sandwiched in between two porn films, Jacqueline and Little Miss Innocence, and marked his transition away from porn and back to horror, sci-fi, action, and sexploitation. Creepozoids is low budget even by low budget standards, with a cast of six people and a single location (the actors are outside a building in the second scene, then they go inside the building and stay there; the opening credits scene also takes place in this building), but the creature and gore effects are super fun and slimy and gross and Linnea Quigley is in the cast, so you have two major pluses right there.

The plot is pretty straightforward. It's 1998 and World War III is in full effect. Nuclear bombs have destroyed most of the good stuff in the world, but the battle still rages, along with frequent acid rain and rats the size of pigs. Blanca (Quigley), Butch (Ken Abraham), Kate (Ashlyn Gere, one of the only actors to have simultaneous parallel careers in porn and "legitimate" film, TV, and theater), Jesse (Michael Aranda), and Jake (Richard L. Hawkins) have had enough of their mandatory military service and decide to desert. WWIII sucks. 

Looking to get out of the acid rain, they encounter a large structure that looks like some kind of government or military building, research facility, or corporate headquarters. They decide to make the deserted building their new permanent home, but Kate and Jesse (the resident computer nerd with a bad case of bursitis) are skeptical. We as audience members are also skeptical because we know from the opening scene that there's a fuckin' creepozoid in there.

We get a lot of slowly paced computer hacking, building exploring, strategizing, arguing, and cabinet and locker opening, which is thankfully broken up by a creepozoid (vaguely Xenomorph-ish), a giant rat, the unfortunate results of accidentally ingesting creepozoid goo, the discovery of a severed head, a killer mutant baby, and a gratuitous shower scene. DeCoteau later tricks us into thinking a second gratuitous shower scene will occur, but Gere is stopped by creepozoid-based business before she can disrobe. (The adult film star keeps her clothes on in this movie.)

There's not much to this thing, but it's short, and it's a lot of fun when it's not boring, though that's about a 50/50 split. The effects are delightfully cheesy and strange, and I will always love Linnea Quigley's line delivery, no matter what movie she's in. Creepozoids gets my tepid recommendation.