Saturday, December 8, 2007

#27: Def by Temptation (James Bond III, 1990)


Like Christmas Evil, Def by Temptation is the second Troma-distributed film on this list. Also like Christmas Evil, Def by Temptation bears little resemblance to the usual Troma schlock, other than its low budget. (I use the word "schlock" affectionately here. By the way, Troma boss Lloyd Kaufman is in Austin this weekend, premiering Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead at the Alamo Drafthouse Lake Creek.) Def by Temptation combines the vampire and demon succubus mythologies, an all-black cast, and some solid performances from Bill Nunn, Cynthia Bond, Kadeem "Dwayne Wayne" Hardison, and, in a tiny role given prominent placement on the DVD cover, Samuel L. Jackson.













The seams of the film's tiny budget and bargain-basement special effects show, but Def by Temptation is effective and fun and benefits greatly from Spike Lee cinematographer Ernest Dickerson's direction of photography. Writer/producer/director/star James Bond III has been heavily criticized for his performance in the lead, notably by African-American cultural critic and co-producer of the film Nelson George, who called Bond's performance an artistic failure and a misguided attempt to be a new Spike Lee, but I don't see what everyone is bitching about. He's a little rough, but he fits the role, and his shy divinity student character is charming.
Def by Temptation's story concerns a female vampire/succubus, Cynthia Bond, who hangs out in a New York bar, picking up men. After taking them back to her Gothic brownstone for sex, she kills them. Bill Nunn, "Radio Raheem" in Do the Right Thing, as one of the bar's regulars, constantly and unsuccessfully hits on women, but he's afraid of the vampire/succubus, for reasons unclear to him. (His best line, when he's hitting on two women simultaneously and gets his stories crossed about whether he's a doctor or a kung fu movie producer: "I'm a kung fu doctor. I operate on people who have been injured doing kung and fu.") Kadeem Hardison plays an up-and-coming B-movie actor who narrowly avoids a sexy demise when he has to pass on a one-night stand with the succubus to prepare for the arrival of his old North Carolina buddy, James Bond III, a divinity student testing his faith in the Big Apple. The succubus drops her focus on Kadeem and hooks up with Bond, after she tells her pet snake that he is the last of the line. What line? Apparently, in a flashback sequence, the succubus is responsible for the death of Bond's preacher father, Samuel L. Jackson. Can he withstand the temptation? Can the power of Jesus overcome the power of a sex vampire?
The film's original title, Temptation, was nonsensically punched up by Troma with some misused 1990 hip-hop slang. There's nothing "def" or "stupid dope" or "stupid fresh" about getting murdered by a vampire demon succubus, but what can you do? Bond III, a former child actor, appears to have been scarred by his sole directorial effort. Though the movie made a small profit, Bond has neither acted in nor directed any film since. If the Internet Movie Database can be believed, he currently works as a CEO for a film and music video production company in Colorado Springs.
My favorite line in the movie comes courtesy of the film's first victim of the succubus, a bartender who fancies himself a Don Juan: "You can tell a lot about a woman by the bed she sleeps in. This freaky bed tells me that you are one hot-natured freakazoid who can't wait to jump my bones." No Academy Award nomination for best screenplay? No wonder Bond retired from filmmaking.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

#26: Deep Rising (Stephen Sommers, 1998)












I normally hate the shorthand comparisons lazy critics make, particularly X-meets-Y. (It's Schindler's List meets Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium! On acid! With a twist of lime!) However, the blurb on the video box for Deep Rising sums it up perfectly: Die Hard meets Aliens meets Titanic. In addition, the Han Solo character has been added to the mix. This delightful concoction, when consumed, results in really, really stupid fun. Maybe my limited blockbuster intake makes me appreciate something like Deep Rising more than if I watched these jams all the time. Nevertheless, Stephen Sommers has directed a fast food bacon double cheeseburger of a movie. And I like fast food bacon double cheeseburgers, even though they will one day kill me. This movie is a non-stop procession of cliches, but they're good cliches, and the pacing never flags. Sommers has the good sense to leave out the dumb stuff, and to leave in the super-dumb stuff. For example, he discards everything in Titanic except for the awesomeness of the ship and what happens when it sinks. (Incidentally, Sommers gives the ship the fantastic name Argonautica and the even more fantastic motto "Good times forever.")He keeps all the good stuff from Aliens but has the good sense to cast someone other than Paul Reiser in the Paul Reiser role. He realizes that casting Treat Williams as an action hero is ludicrous, so all the self-deprecating one-liners are hilariously unhilarious (e.g. "Now what?" "This is turning out to be one hell of a day," "Cut me some slack," "I'm working too hard," "Jeez Louise," etc.) These lines are delivered the way Bruce Willis and Schwarzenegger deliver their one-liners. Kevin J. O'Connor plays the Bill Paxton "game over, man" role. O'Connor starred in Candy Mountain. I mention that only because Candy Mountain is a great movie that everyone should see. It has nothing whatsoever to do with this post. The sea monsters are pretty exciting, but I will always believe that CGI looks like shit. It doesn't matter too much in this case. A half-digested man gets to melt in front of our eyes. The villains are a Rainbow Coalition of pirate mercenaries, multi-culturally plundering the world, one enormous cruise ship at a time. Stuff blows up. A ski-doo is propelled in mid-air. Giant mutant octopi in the South China Sea fuck shit up. I am putting my journalism degree to good use. Treat Williams! Argonautica! Good times forever! Whoo!